


Heir to the Listless

by AltUniverseWash



Series: Forever After [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alt-epilogues, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Trans Character, Communication, Consent, Depression, Earth C (Homestuck), Enthusiastic Consent, Existential Angst, Existential Crisis, Existentialism, Explicit Consent, F/F, F/M, Gen, Gender, Gender Identity, Gender Issues, Healing, Healing from trauma, Homestuck started when the Beta kids were 16, Lack of Communication, Love, M/M, Making Out, Non-Explicit Sex, Personal Growth, Pesterlog(s) (Homestuck), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Acceptance, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Identity, Sex, Sexuality, Social Anxiety, Social Issues, Supportive Relationships, Trans, Trans Character, Trans Female Character, Transition, Trauma, Trolls (Homestuck)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-18
Updated: 2020-03-22
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:20:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 16,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23200852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AltUniverseWash/pseuds/AltUniverseWash
Summary: John Egbert knows that it's over now. John knows that they won the game. John knows that the world of Earth-C is full of infinite possibilities and that he can find his place in it anywhere he wants.So why is it that he feels like he doesn't have any place in this new world at all?A story about healing after trauma, exploring self-identity, and learning to live as your real self.
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, John Egbert/Roxy Lalonde, June Egbert/Roxy Lalonde, Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam
Series: Forever After [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1664167
Comments: 147
Kudos: 102





	1. > John Egbert: Reflect on Your Life Choices

**Author's Note:**

> This is effectively the beginning of the Forever After series - it requires no prior reading of the rest of the series and can be read either in series or publication order.
> 
> M-Rated for implied sexual content (consensual) and implied nudity in one chapter. CW will be provided.
> 
> General TW for addressing depression for the first several chapters, as well as gender identity/dysphoria.

There was a certain point on the horizon which, when the Sun finally crossed that mark, just let all of the light into John Egbert’s bedroom. Literally… all of the light. It would transition from being just dim enough to remain pleasant to bathing him in a blinding symphony of  _ wake the fuck up _ inside of ten minutes. He hated it.

Could’ve just put the blinds down…

Could’ve done a lot of things, really. But those are things that require a level of commitment to action that John just wasn’t able to muster these days. He barely remembered going to bed the night before. Roxy had already been asleep for at least two hours and he’d found himself no longer able to avoid sleeping and wandered in and collapsed around… what was it? Four in the morning? That sounded right enough. It didn’t actually matter because what else was he doing besides lying in bed all day, anyway?

John rolled away from the harsh late morning sunlight and covered his head with a comforter that smelled vaguely of Roxy’s soap. That was enough to provoke a smile, but only a brief one.

My head feels like shit…

It did indeed. A headache that was working its way up from behind his temples and all the way back around to his neck. Too bad that God tier didn’t mean “no pain.” That seemed like kind of a weird oversight in retrospect, but he wasn’t the one making the rules.

“Fffffuck.” That was how his manifesto would begin, of course. A muffled cry muttered into the covers. A statement against the conformity of the modern world and all its excess and…

...which was silly.

Earth-C might have modern conveniences, but it was hardly “the modern world” in any meaningful sense of the word. A world aged up by his goddess sister, populated by hard-shelled living chess pieces, descendents of Alternian refugees, and a surprisingly large number of Salamanders. There were, as of last count, about seven humans on the planet.

There was no war. No poverty. No material want of any kind. Between the alchemizers, the god-powers, and the general commitment to  _ not fucking this shit up again _ , Earth-C was essentially paradise. It was a perfect world. A world unspoiled by the excesses of the capitalist hellscape that he’d escaped from…

...you know, when the world had ended.

“Blergh…” Another powerful statement of solidarity with the other peoples of Earth-C. John didn’t want to remove his face from the covers, because that would mean facing that eye-stabbing solar orb again. He very much didn’t want that. No one wanted that!

“Hey, babe, you still in here?!” Roxy’s voice, from the hallway. She sounded a lot more  _ awake _ than John was even ready to feel right then.

“Hrngh…” Veritable poetry of a struggle that was now utterly pointless, its goals having all been accomplished and its stalwart defenders left with nothing but free time.

Why do I feel so…

Searching for that right word. The one that would sum everything up and bring that singular moment of clarity. Except that wasn’t how things worked.

“Jesus  _ shit _ , John, you sound like a big ol’ pile of puke right now.” Roxy’s voice was at the doorway now.

She sounded… actually pretty cheerful. She’d been doing a lot to help build New Can Town Municipal Incorporated Unincorporated District No Wait We Can’t Call It That Shut Up Karkat… the name was Dave’s idea. Sort of. Call it a collaborative effort.

...feel so goddamn…

Roxy was in the bedroom now, walking toward the bed. John felt the bed depress with a soft  _ poomf _ as Roxy sat down near him.

“Babe… you planning to get up soon? I was wondering if you wanted to go see Rose and Kanaya for lunch.”

Rose and Kanaya, who were basically the perfect couple ever. Supportive and loving, always there for each other. The first thing they’d done was get married – “human married” Kanaya liked to say – and build a ridiculously perfect house for themselves.

John loved both of them to death, but sometimes lately… it felt like a bit  _ much _ . To be surrounded by that much love and playful banter and maybe sometimes he just wanted to be by himself. Was that really so much to ask?

“I dunno,” John muttered softly. “Don’t feel great.”

...so goddamn, incredibly…

“Kinda just wanna stay in bed…”

He felt Roxy pat him lightly on the butt and laugh.

“Okay, sure thing. You want me to grab you anything? Troll Burger King?”

“I still can’t believe they fucking called it that – it wasn’t even a thing on Alternia – I swear that was Karkat’s idea…” John managed a bit of a laugh. “I’m fine, Rox… seriously… I’m totally fine.”

Roxy made a noise that suggested she wasn’t entirely sure that John was “totally fine” but she didn’t say anything else.

“I love you, babe,” she said on the way out. She sounded cheerful… well… sounded like she was trying to sound cheerful. Underneath that, John was wondering if maybe she sounded  _ worried _ .

“Love you too…” He wasn’t sure if she heard it or not. Wasn’t sure if…

...incredibly, completely alone.

...wasn’t sure if he even  _ cared _ anymore.


	2. > Roxy LaLonde: Wonder What John’s Deal Is

Roxy usually found that flying had a way of clearing her head. She would come in low over the terrain – skimming just above and weaving in and out of the treeline. Something about the rushing of the wind in her ears and the constant need to adjust for the onrush of the obstacles of the world – it made it hard to focus on her own internal monologue. Forced her to live in the moment, and that was usually something she found freeing.

Right now, though, she was too _pissed off_ at John Egbert to find the experience anything other than frustrating.

Maybe not pissed off exactly but still…

He was being kind of a dick-hole about this. He’d lie in the bed for hours and that wasn’t even a problem – if he wanted to sleep his time away what did it matter anymore? The problem was whenever she asked how he was doing he’d tell her he was fine in a way that was so transparently not-fine that it was the most obvious thing ever.

I swear to god he is so fucking frustrating when he’s like this!

That was more it – it was _frustrating_. John would get into these moods and then just kind of disappear. Even if he was physically there, he would mentally check out and kind of… wrap up into himself. He didn’t like to talk. He didn’t want to do anything.

Roxy didn’t _need_ him to do anything – she had her own things going on. She was in charge of designing and implementing the vast array of computer systems that would power New Carapacia, the Troll Kingdom, and the Sea Nation. It was an architectural challenge that kept her mind perpetually occupied… and she loved every minute of it.

She just wished John would be… would at least _talk_ to her about what he was feeling. At least give her a little peek inside that brain of his. Roxy was hardly a demanding person, but they were in a romantic relationship for a few months now and sleeping in the same damn bed and she always felt like he was ten feet away and behind a concrete wall.

Roxy landed at the base of the hill where Kanaya and Rose had made their home and pulled out her phone, bringing pesterMessage up and glaring at the screen.

Roxy supposed that it wasn’t the worst thing in the world. Cleaning up a little egg seemed a bit less annoying than continuing to stew over John’s stupid bullshit for a while longer, so Roxy put the phone away and walked the rest of the way up the hill.

The house itself was a spectacle – the two women had made it a combination of everything they both held dear, both in terms of style and substance. As such, it combined a sleek modernistic style of building that Rose preferred with gothic flourishes that Kanaya particularly enjoyed. A cathedral spire peeked over the top of the slim lines of the glass-and-metal building and slanted down into a series of miniature flying buttresses that flanked a giant side of concrete and more glass.

At the edge of the property, after a gentle rise, the whole thing dropped off a cliff to reveal a sweeping lake – it was beautiful and still and quiet. Trees surrounded it, thick with the sounds of nature. The lake itself was so clear that Roxy could swear she saw right through to the bottom.

This series of seeming contradictions of style had no right to work nearly as well as it did. But somehow, it came together in a way that was not only aesthetically pleasing, but awe-inspiring.

Roxy pushed through the large front door and walked inside – she was immediately hit with…

Oh my _GOD_ what is that smell?!

It smelled like someone had been burning tires in here. She caught sight of Kanaya bustling from the kitchen to somewhere else in the house.

“Hey, Kanaya, what the hell?!” She called out and Kanaya stopped.

“Oh, I apologize. We have, perhaps, understated the severity of the situation with regards to the egg explosion.”

“Yeah, no shit,” Roxy looked around. “What happened?”

“It may have been something more akin to five eggs exploding after having been accidentally left in the pot for a considerably longer time than originally called for.”

“Fuuuuck. What’d y’all do to forget about them for that long?”

Kanaya blushed, deeply. "I... ah..."

Roxy put on her best smirk and waved a hand. “Never mind, forget it. What can I do to help?”

Kanaya sighed. “If it is not too much to ask, perhaps your void powers would be able to… clean up some of the mess for us? Or at least lend us a hand in getting the egg off the ceiling. It is quite prodigious."

Roxy nodded and pulled out her phone again.

Oh my fucking GOD!

He was being frustrating, but she wasn’t going to let it get to her. She was going to help Kanaya and Rose clean up and then she was going to sit with them in their nice home and talk about stuff. Because that was what _normal_ people did. Normal people who weren’t gods or immortal or anything. Normal people who weren’t married to glowing vampires with incredible bodies and impeccable fashion sense.

Okay, maybe keep that one to myself.


	3. > Kanaya Maryam: Give Relationship Advice You Feel Dangerously Unqualified to Provide

“He just – bothers me with this shit,” Roxy said, her hands moving as she spoke between mouthfuls of store-bought scones.

The egg incident was eventually cleaned up and all parties involved agreed it would be better to forget the whole thing entirely. So Roxy sat down with Rose and Kanaya in their newly-aired-out kitchen and started to talk.

And then talking turned into unloading.

Kanaya had certain experience with this kind of thing. If years of auspisticism had taught her anything, it was how to spot and provide support for a good  _ vent _ . And Roxy had one brewing that threatened to take out the entire building if it got out of hand. Not literally, of course.

Well, maybe a bit literally. These are gods, after all.

So Roxy got some scones and a glass of extremely sweet iced tea and told to make herself at home and please, if she was inclined, to divulge any particular things that might happen to be on her mind.

It did not take particularly long for her to get to that point.

“He lies in bed all the time. Okay, sure. I like a good nap as much as anyone but he – like he never wants to get up. He never really wants to do anything.”

“I think,” Rose responded, “that our Mr. Egbert might be exhibiting some symptoms of depression.”

Roxy rolled her eyes. “Oh, you  _think_ ?! Well no shit, Dr. Brain Professor Ph-fucking-D.”

Kanaya clicked her tongue. “Now, this isn’t especially helpful. While we all understand that John is obviously showing some signs of depression, I assume that this is a combination of frustration with its effect on his life and a lack of surety about how to help him? Am I correct in making that assumption, Roxy?”

Roxy leaned across the counter towards Rose and waggled her eyebrows. “Oh shit, Rose, I  _ like _ your wife. Can I, like, _borrow_ her for a little bit?”

OH she is entirely too much sometimes!

Kanaya turned jade in the face and drew herself up. “I assure you that I am not for let or lease, Ms. LaLonde, in any conceivable sense of the word.”

“So you're saying it'll take some _negotiation_ ,” Roxy said in a ridiculous, comical fashion with an equally ridiculous, comical face. At least she seemed to be in slightly better cheer.

“Fug,” Roxy said around another mouthful of crumbling pastry. “It’s just hard to figure him out. He always says he’s fine but he never seems fine.”

“I think that is often the case with those who are not fine,” Kanaya said, glancing over at Rose. “I wish I could give you more specific advice.”

“Well shit, Kanaya,” Roxy interjected. “You ‘n Rose’ve been together for like… forever… and you must’ve got some pretty good advice.”

I have far overstepped my own bounds of advice-giving comfort on this.

“Oh,” Kanaya started. “Of course. Yes. I have advice of all sorts, many of which is very much what you would classify into the  _ good _ category, and very little of which is in the  _ bad _ category.”

Roxy narrowed her eyes. “You’re - trying to dodge the question.”

Kanaya sighed. “I am sorry, Roxy – I cannot give you such advice as I know would help you. As far as general information – I fear it would mostly sound frightfully droll. Be considerate of his space, listen to what he tells you, provide him with a safe environment.”

She paused, took a breath.

“But also, do not neglect your own needs out of some desire to help him. Ultimately this is his own choice, and if he continues to isolate himself in a way that you find hurtful then he may have to face the fact that his actions will eventually drive you away for good - at least as a romantic partner.”

“Yeah…” Roxy trailed off and took out her phone. She stared down at the screen, playing with the interactive weather app for a minute before opening up her messaging application. She held the screen down, but Kanaya had considerably better than average vision since awakening as a rainbow drinker.

Roxy waited a second. No response. He wasn't typing. She slapped the phone down. “Son of a shit!”

Kanaya sat there, blinking at her. Roxy blushed and looked off to the side.

“I’m – I’m sorry. This is just hard. Back when we were still playing the game we were so _busy_. Running around fighting monsters and shit. But now - now it’s just  _time_ and it’s like I gotta feel every second of it where I’m not busy and John… he just kinda lies there and lets it pass.” 

She groaned and ran her hands back along her head, pushing her tight, bouncy curls back and letting them spring forward again.

“Guess I just don’t  _get_ it and that bothers me cause I’m used to getting every-goddamn-thing, you know?”

Rose set a hand gently on Roxy’s arm. “I get it. And I think John is being kind of a bit of a dingus here. I think you need to maybe try to talk to him again and be very up-front about what you’re thinking and feeling. And let him know that if he wants to continue to be in a relationship with you then he’ll need to at least communicate some of that. Whatever you’re comfortable with, really. But to just suffer in silence isn’t fair to anyone.”


	4. > John Egbert: Avoid Uncomfortable Conversations with Yourself and Others

The phone  _ pinged _ once to let John know he had a text message. He struggled in the bed and crawled over to where his phone sat on the nightstand.

Why does it hurt so damn much to move?

He wasn’t even sure if it was a physical pain or not. It sure felt like it, but he wasn’t sure why that would be. It’s not like he really got out much. John just felt sore, all over.

The phone was there as expected – he scooped it up.

The most he could manage was tapping the screen twice – he’d seen it. He wasn’t even sure what to  _say_ in response. It all felt so unimportant. So  _distant_. 

Oh god am I freaking crying?!

John was definitely crying. Big, wet tears clouded his vision and slid down his cheeks. His eyes burned and his throat felt tight. And why the hell was he crying?

Wasn’t like this on the ship… not even after I died… this doesn’t… it doesn’t make sense.

If he could get up, it would be better. Once he was up, he could usually stay up for a while. Go through the motions. Make sure everyone knew he was still okay.

It’s not like I’m gonna disappear if they stop bothering me for a minute.

That felt - overly defeatist. Maybe dial it back a bit. John groaned and swung his feet over the edge of the bed, feeling for his slippers – a pair of Crocs that Terezi had alchemized for him once because TH3Y'R3 L1T3R4LLY TH3 B3ST 3V3R! Before she went back into space to look for Vriska some more. He’d have to thank her the next time she was back on Earth-C, because they were, in fact, the best ever.

John found the slippers and wobbled to his feet - his muscles protested the sudden change in orientation in a way that John, at the ripe old age of 20, figured old people must feel like all the time.

Okay, so this kinda sucks…

He was still crying and he still didn’t know why, but at least he was crying from a standing position. John supposed that was progress. His phone chimed again, and he grabbed it. Roxy’s cotton-candy name appeared on the screen again.

He just… couldn’t do it. Wasn’t ready to have a conversation about whatever this was. John was at the point where he couldn’t even muster up the energy to _define_ what was happening between him and Roxy anymore.

That’s probably rock bottom.

Sure, but what did it matter? John stumbled his way into the master bathroom and fumbled for the light switch, then found his way to the sink. Staring back at him from the mirror was a strange man.

John looked at him. Himself?

Sure, I guess.

He sucked in his stomach – he’d never had much of a gut, and his shoulders and hips were narrow. When he was a kid he’d gotten a lot of teasing for being skinny and kind of weak and girly looking. That got a little bit better once he started high school. Then the game happened and…

I suppose everyone that made fun of me is dead now.

And that was a horribly sad thing to think. With the benefit of hindsight, John realized that a lot of them had been hurting in a lot of ways.

Doesn’t really seem fair.

Not really. That he - that man in the mirror? That he would make it out alive when so many  _billions_ of others didn’t.

Oh god that’s fucking depressing. At least they’re alive in some other timeline. I hope.

It still wasn’t clear how Paradox Space worked, and he was one of the ones most closely connected to those bizarre intricacies. Not the most qualified to understand them, maybe – that was more Jade or Calliope’s thing.

That man in the mirror was something else. John looked him up and down and it really kinda felt like looking at someone else. It was a weird, disconnected experience. And then the feeling was gone, because he was looking at himself.

Why does that feel worse?

He ran his hands up his face to his boring standard men’s haircut. His dad would’ve been proud of him, of course. His son all grown up into… a man.

“Wheeee,” John said to no one, raising a hand and twirling a finger in the air.

Maybe I should go over to Rose and Kanaya’s place and help clean up. Or at least get dressed.

It was a start, at least. So, with no small measure of relief, John shut the light off in the bathroom. Couldn’t see the man in the mirror very well – he was faint now. Just kind of hanging there in the background. Looking on.

Fuck. Whatever.

John walked back into the room and over to his dresser. He opened the drawers and selected an outfit. Which was harder than he’d expected. Because everything felt kind of... _off?_

This is so goddamn stupid. Just pick something, Egbert.

He grabbed a random t-shirt (turned out it was a shirt for hit 1993 movie Jurassic Park) and a pair of baggy jeans. Clothed, John walked slowly out of the bedroom and down the hallway to the living room.

He very specifically avoided looking in the mirror in the hallway as he walked past.


	5. > Roxy LaLonde: Confront John About How You’re Feeling

Oooookay, Rox. You can do this. You are a very capable binch of the highest degree! You are gonna go in there and explain this whole situation calmly and without yelling. You’re gonna tell John how you’re feeling and you’ll talk it out or you’ll give him a little bit of space to make his decision. It’ll either work out great or you’ll be estranged from like the one guy you actually want anything to do with here.   
  
Maybe Calliope’s interested – she seems nice. ****__  
  
Oh real smooth, Rox. Already planning your next move after John. Good look there.

Roxy rolled her eyes at herself as she landed back outside the house she and John shared on the edge of New Can Town.

The house was small, but comfortable. Almost a cottage, nestled in the middle of a small stand of trees at the edge of a rolling series of grassy hills. New Can Town’s climate was typically mild, and the warm late March weather had brought a pleasant tint of green to the whole place.

She wished she could just  _enjoy_ this instead of having to worry about a million different things. Computers and code and goddamn eggs that just exploded out of nowhere because a certain couple was too busy  _fucking_ to check the damn _timer._

Actually that was pretty hilarious.

Roxy smiled to herself.

She opened the small, rustic-looking door and stepped inside. It was a straight shot down the hall to the living room and she heard the television on.

At least he got out of bed.

It might be baby steps, but it was something. Roxy walked down the hallway. She was committed to this – she was _not_ going to be angry. She was going to be understanding. She was going to show  _compassion_ .

She walked into the living room and…

“Are you seriously watching _Con Air_?” She almost laughed. She was not going to be annoyed. He could do what he wanted with his time. 

I was getting worried about how this was gonna go. Maybe he’s just being a gigantic nerd.

“Oh, hey,” John turned to look at Roxy, then turned back to shut the movie off. “You know - I think this movie kinda sucks.”

No shit, brain genius. No. Not getting upset.

“So,” Roxy said, sitting near John on the couch. He was wearing clothing, at least. That was something. He got out of bed. Those were all valid steps. He was doing okay, by John standards.

“So we need to maybe talk real quick,” she continued. She could  _see_ him tensing up. John Egbert was not a fan of _le conflict_.

Oh for fuck’s sake, John. I’m not going to jump down your damn throat… not like that anyway.

“I’m not mad,” Roxy said. “We just need to talk about a couple small things.”

“That’s what people say when they’re mad and it’s about big things,” John responded. He looked down at the couch. “Did I do something to make you mad?”

Oh my god he is as dense as alchemized fruitcake.

“John, I need you to talk to me about shit.” Yep. Gonna go right on out with both barrels. Roxy had a strong feeling that this was going to go really well.

He inched back a little bit on the couch, away from her. “What… what do you mean?”

“So… I know that maybe you’re going through some stuff, okay… and I _really_ wanna be there to help you out. Cause I _love_ you so damn much. But when you shut down like this morning… I don’t know what to do. Do I just, like, leave you? Do I sit with you? Do I try to talk to you?!”

She sighed, then continued. “John, I didn’t exactly grow up in a normal social setting. I don’t know how to deal with people very well. When you shut down like that I don’t know what the hell to do and, yeah - it gets frustrating. Maybe even makes me mad sometimes.”

He inched away from her a little bit more and Roxy could see that there were maybe - no - _definitely_ tears in his eyes.

Oh shit that was the wrong thing to say. God now I feel like an ass.

But, also, she had been honest. Maybe a little _too_ honest.

I hate this relationship stuff!

“You’re… mad at me?” John murmured, tears starting to run down his face.

Roxy stared without even really meaning to. That was his main take-away?

“It’s not that, so much. It’s just that - it’s hard for me to figure out what you need sometimes. And I think that maybe it’s hard for you to figure out what you need. And maybe… maybe until we both get that shit sorted it’d be better if we weren’t so much up in each other’s space all the time, you know?”

Oh shit.

“Roxy?” John asked, his voice cracking. “Are you saying…”

Oh shit.


	6. > Rose LaLonde: Answer Those Urgent Text Messages

“Okay, there’s still egg pieces on the ceiling. I don’t even understand how that happened.” Rose looked up in dismay – the high ceilings that she’d loved so much because of how airy they made the kitchen feel were an annoyance now that she had to fly just to get up there and clean.

“It happened because we spent an hour in the bedroom and then we fell asleep for another hour and all the water boiled off. Really, Rose, this is basic science.”

“Was that - a verbal barb, Kanaya?” Rose smirked at her wife and edged a bit closer, sliding her hand along the counter towards where Kanaya was sitting. “Are you - engaging in a verbal sparring match with your wife right now?”

“Oh, is that what we are calling it now? Or are you employing the human sarcasm I have become so fond of?”

Okay, that’s pretty goddamn a-dor-a-ble.

Rose’s phone _bzz-bzzed_ at her from the granite counter where she’d left it. She completely ignored it.

“You _know_ how I feel about the human sarcasm, Kanaya,” Rose smiled, batting her lashes in an exaggerated way and leaning closer to her wife.

“I… do,” Kanaya swallowed heavily and she was blushing deeply. Rose appreciated how her usually unflappable wife seemed to basically come unglued as soon as Rose applied the slightest amount of a certain kind of pressure.

Plenty of innuendo to be had there.

She leaned in, moving around the counter, and placed her lips within inches of Kanaya’s. She could feel her wife’s breath on her mouth – could practically _taste_ the last thing she’d had to eat. Rose leaned closer…

 _Bzz-bzz_.

“Oh for fuck’s sake!” Rose reached over to the phone and grabbed it, intending to silence it, when she saw the preview on the lock screen…

“Oh… for fuck’s sake,” her face fell as she unlocked the phone.

“Darling, what is the matter?” Kanaya asked, her voice heavy with worry. Rose shook her head.

“Shit. I think Roxy and John just broke up or something.”

Her phone went off again and she looked down. “Double shit.”

“I take it this most likely has to do with Roxy’s composure earlier today?” Kanaya asked. Rose nodded – it might as well have just been a statement.

“Yeah,” Rose answered quietly. “I think she and John are going through something.”

Kanaya actually rolled her eyes – something Rose found rather cute. “Oh that is truly a surprising development.”

“Human sarcasm?” Rose asked – Kanaya nodded.

“I am sorry for them, but not surprised. They seemed to have a lot of issues with communication.”

“I dunno,” Rose said, thoughtfully. “I think there might be something else underlying here.”

John’s demeanor in the last few months couldn’t exactly be described as “outgoing” in general. And John had always been kind of a shut-in – always kept to himself. But he had stopped even being as social as he normally was. It was like he was always closed-off but that last little window into who he was had shut, or at least clouded over. There was something else going on.

Rose drummed her fingers on the counter, thinking.

“Okay, this is the best I can do right now,” Rose said with a groan. “I don’t know. I don’t know how to do this shit. You’re the only girlfriend I’ve ever had.”

Kanaya smiled. “You are an _eminently_ qualified one, I might add.”

“Thanks,” Rose smirked, but her face fell almost immediately. “But I don’t think I’m qualified to give advice on dealing with a situation that’s this complicated.”

It still feels like more than just relationship drama.

“Qualified or not,” Kanaya said, “we will persist in moving forward and arriving at some kind of conclusion, one way or another.”

Rose leaned in and kissed Kanaya on the cheek. “You’re a wiser woman than I, darling.”


	7. > Jade Harley: Check in on Your Despondent Brother

Okay, this was the big moment. She’d teleported right in front of his house and now all she had to do was knock on the door and hope he was home. It would be rude to teleport inside. But she had an important job to do! This was when Jade Harley was going to go and advise her brother. On relationships.

This is definitely something I know a lot about and can absolutely relate to.

Relationships. A thing which Jade was definitely very invested in and not in any way slightly off-put by.

Oh Jesus shit this is gonna suck.

The door to the small house opened a crack and her brother’s face appeared. His cheeks were glistening and his eyes were red. Jade felt her heart falling into her chest.

The second the door cracked open enough, she pushed it open and wrapped her brother in a hug. She stood at least a half-foot taller than John, and her hugs tended to be a little bit all-consuming. But John leaned into it, sighing heavily. He wasn’t happy, but Jade thought that he was at least glad to see her.

“Come on in,” he muttered into her shoulder. “I’m a mess and I feel like shit.”

Jade let him go and closed the door behind her. She sniffed at the air, scenting something vaguely familiar from childhood – 

“Do I smell Hot Pockets?”

John nodded.

“It’s been, what, an hour since Roxy left the house and you’ve already descended into _Hot Pockets?!_ What the fuck, John?”

He shuffled his feet and looked very pointedly at the ground.

“I just - feel really bad. I guess I got so caught up in my own stuff that I didn’t realize how much I was shutting down. Does that sound stupid?”

Jade smiled at John and patted him on the head. “No - no, I get it. I know how easy it is to get inside of your own head like that.”

Woof. Did I really just think “woof” for real?

“Lucky for you, I have just the thing to keep your mind temporarily occupied! It’s time to watc–”

Jade looked down the hallway to the living room and saw the television - the paused still frame from Con Air was still up on the screen. She took a sharp breath and backed off of her original plan immediately.

“It’s time to mess around on the Internet for a while! Yay!” Jade threw up her hands in a show of excitement and John smiled, half-heartedly.

Together, they walked into the living room. John sat down heavily on the couch and Jade busied herself with figuring out how to screencast her phone to his television. After a few moments, she figured it out.

“Okay, what would be fun? What would be very non-threatening and good for you right now?”

Oh, this is perfect! He likes video games - I think? Does he like anything anymore? Oh geez I’m not sure what my brother likes. Video games seem safe though.

She pulled up the website.

“And look, Karkat made it! So you know it’s gonna be - a website!” Jade forced a smile that John failed to return. She felt her ears turn down at this and suppressed a little whimper.

I’m trying, but this is way harder than I expected.

“Okay, John.” Jade tried desperately to sound cheerful. “Let’s do this! Good old fun times, just brother and sister!” She grinned in a way that felt painfully forced and John kind of grunted.

“So… what’s your favorite food?!”

* * *

It took longer than she expected to finally get John to actually answer the questions, but after twenty minutes of prodding he was finally there. He kept looking out the window like he was expecting someone to just kind of _show up_. Jade didn’t think he’d gotten into a fight with Roxy before.

Was it even really a fight?

No, that didn’t seem right. Jade didn’t think that John had ever really had to deal with interpersonal conflict in a relationship before. As strange as it sounded, given his god powers and having fought against some of the worst creatures that the Incipisphere had to offer - he still came across as almost _passive_ at times.

“Okay, and that’s the last one – if you could choose any vacation destination, you’d like to go to the mountains. Neat. Let’s see what you got.”

She clicked the button.

She saw John’s face light up for a minute, then fall back into the depressed, flat affect it’d had since she got there.

“Oh - I’m sorry, this was a stupid idea in the first place. We can do something else, okay? It’s fine!” She could still salvage this! She was a _good_ big sister!

John gave her a small smile. “No, it’s fine. It’s cool, actually. Thanks, Jade, I know you’re doing your best.”

Her ears flattened again, but John stood up and walked over to hug her again. It felt like a _sad_ hug, but he wasn’t trying to push her away.

“Jade, if you don’t mind, I’d kind of like to just be alone for a while. I’ve got… a lot on my mind with everything that’s happening lately.”

“John - are you gonna be okay?”

John seemed to be spacing out for a minute there – he looked out the window again and didn't even turn when he heard his own name.

“John?”

He shook his head and looked at her. “Oh? Sorry, Jade. I’m okay. I mean, I’m _not_ okay, but I’ll _be_ okay. I just need some time alone to think. I appreciate what you’re doing here. You’re a good sister and I love you a lot.”

With that, he subtly pushed her toward the door. Jade knew how to take a hint – she smiled and waved good-bye and then she was off, hoping that her brother would be all right by himself.


	8. > John Egbert… ...time for a long-overdue conversation

So that was silly and pointless and…

At least Jade was trying. She might be pretty awkward at times, but she was genuinely trying to make things better. And, after all, who was John to make judgments about how other people were awkward? He was the one who’d been so mopey and down in the dumps that he hadn’t even noticed how much he was pushing Roxy away. Or… not even pushing her away… just putting up a big ol’ wall in between them.

Stupid Karkat website. Lara Croft… that’s like… more of Jake’s thing. He’s always been so hot for that character.

Unlike John, who was…

I mean, she is pretty good looking.

Yes, that was it. He liked her because she was good looking. And a bad-ass. She didn’t take shit from anyone, and she always got things done. But she was still a _woman,_ and that felt empowering.

Empowering… weird way to put it, brain.

A bad-ass who always got stuff done. Kind of like… Vriska.

And why are we thinking about her now? She’s not even around anymore.

John found himself wandering back toward the bedroom. He felt like lying down. But instead of heading straight for the bed, he found himself walking to the bathroom again, turning on the light, and looking into the mirror.

Yeah, Vriska’s gone. Probably forever. I hope she… I hope she found whatever she was looking for.

And Terezi was still heading out there – still poking around the edges of Paradox Space and looking for signs that her fellow Scourge Sister was still alive somewhere. John slowly shook his head from side-to-side, breathing out to clear his thoughts.

Hey, you remember that time in sixth grade?

Okay, so John wasn’t sure where this was going, but it felt like something was tickling him in the back of his mind.

Sure… the time you imagined what it’d feel like to be kissed as a girl.

_ By  _ a girl?

I mean, sure… but I didn’t misspeak the first time. AS a girl.

“Weird…” John said out-loud, looking at the man in the mirror. Jeans and a t-shirt. Very plain. Somewhat rugged. Very Terezi- or Vriska-chic.

John turned away from the man in the mirror and walked into the bedroom. He couldn’t remember where he’d left his phone – he checked his pocket, but he must’ve left it back in the living room. John walked back… making sure to avoid the man in the mirror on his way.

It wasn’t even the only time. Oh shit, you remember the time you tucked between your legs! Holy shit THAT was something else, right?

John laughed nervously, only to himself. After all, no one else was here to look at him. The phone had to be somewhere in here, right? That was what phones  _ did _ – they got lost and you found them in your living room. Right by the TV where your big sister had been trying to cheer you up with a stupid video game character quiz.

Oh fuck it, you know you can be a female character, right? Fuck the gender binary, John. It doesn’t MEAN anything. This is silly! Rose would be proud!

“Yeah, fuck the gender binary,” John said out-loud. The phone wasn’t in the damn living room either! In fact, John seemed to distinctly remember leaving it in the bathroom before. They hadn’t even noticed putting it down.

What would your NAME be? That was another one… when’s the last time you thought about THAT, huh? That’s a fun little thought experiment.

“It was last week… no wait… it was when Jade texted me…” John muttered to themselves.

LOL, right! And what would you LOOK like? I bet you’d dress just like Vriska or Terezi or something.

John put their hands to their forehead and squeezed. Their head was starting to hurt and their eyes were watering. Why’d they have to be such a fucking dense jerk to Roxy? She deserved to at least know what was going on inside their head once in a while!

Do you know what’s even going on inside your head?

John took a seat on the couch – the phone could wait a minute. Their head was hurting so much.

It’s like putting on a costume, isn’t it?

“Costume…” John muttered to themself.

Every single day, you choose to wear it. Your hair and your clothes and what does it mean?

John leaned their head back and groaned.

Remember that time you spent an hour drawing what you’d look like?

What they’d look like as  _ what _ , exactly?

Oh really? Because you can hide from yourself forever, right, Joooooooohn?

“When you say it that way… it sounds like…” They weren’t sure why they said it out loud, but John’s head was hurting even more. Their eyes were getting worse and they could feel a wet heat swimming behind them. They took their glasses off and set them down on the edge of the couch. The world dropped out of focus.

You’d basically be the same person. That’s what you thought to yourself. Because who you are doesn’t change...

John got up again, still holding their head in their hands. They walked – more like stumbled – back down the hallway and into the bathroom again. Sure enough, the phone was lying on the counter. And the man was in the mirror. He was looking at them, his face eerily familiar but somehow… off. Blurry because John wasn’t wearing their glasses… out of focus… less… less  _ real _ .

Who you are doesn’t change. It’s okay… sometimes we just… get things wrong at first. It takes time to figure these things out.

But that wasn’t possible, because these things were set in stone. Because everything was determined since the day you were born. Because no matter what you thought or felt inside, none of that mattered. Because they’d been given a role since the day they were first able to draw breath and no matter how much they hated it, that was it. That was the end. That was determined and final and… and…

The tears were welling up behind their eyes, threatening to burst out. The wet pressure turned into a ring of warmth around the edges and they felt the tears streaming down the sides of their face.

Everything was always the same, all the time. You were whatever they said you were. Forever.

They’re all dead.

And what did that even  _ mean? _ John cursed their stupid brain and their stupid internal monologue, because none of it even  _ mattered _ .

Everyone who said those things is dead. Everyone who would’ve told you that you’re fixed into the role you were given at birth is dead. Everyone who would’ve told you that you’re a freak because what’s between your legs doesn’t match what they expected… they’re all fucking dead!

So what if they were dead? That didn’t change facts and science.

Has it occurred to you that the people who believed those things didn’t have a fucking clue what they were talking about when it came to facts and science?

No. Yes. Maybe!

Has it occurred to you… that maybe you know yourself… just a little bit better than you were willing to admit?

And they were standing there in the bathroom and then, without warning, the very last straw landed and with a resounding  _ crack _ the entire metaphor came crashing down around them...

And  _ she _ was looking at the man in the mirror, and he smiled… but he was smiling  _ at _ her. She looked down at herself – away from the mirror and looked down at her ill-fitting t-shirt and her baggy pants. A t-shirt and pants that belonged to someone else.

And for the first time in her life, she actually  _ saw _ what she was looking at. And there was no stopping the tears at that point and she didn’t even care. She stood there looking at her own hands and her own arms and down at her own legs and her throat felt tight and she was sobbing and she was laughing and her heart felt like it was about to explode.

And it felt like she was lighter than she’d ever been in her entire life.

It kinda sounds like… June.

And with another laugh that seemed to come from the depths of her very soul, June Egbert picked up her phone and  _ ran _ back into the living room to find her laptop.


	9. (Calliope) A Penny For Their Thoughts

Calliope was quite fond of the cities that the Carapacians had started to build up. They were exceptionally fond of human culture, and had in many ways imitated the trappings of late-period human society while remaining utterly and charmingly unaware of its nuances or particular pitfalls.

It was thusly that Calliope found herself sitting in a coffee shop that was literally just called “Coffee” that closely copied the aesthetics of the Starbucks chain from Earth. She had brought her laptop with her because she was going to write, god damn it, and this was an environment that perfectly balanced a lack of distractions with a kind of ambient buzz of activity that Calliope found particularly invigorating.

As soon as she turned on her laptop, she found herself inundated by a series of peculiar messages from her friend John.

Calliope typed swiftly, her hands a blur on the keys. Shortly, the change was made.

Callie supposed that June would have a bit of work to put in as far as revealing the truth to everyone. They couldn’t think of anyone offhand who might have a real problem with the adjustment – being in close contact with a number of aliens had something of a moderating effect. Still, it was certainly going to be a bit of an adjustment for them.

Callie smiled to themselves, then turned knowingly and stared into the middle distance.

I appreciate you being considerate like that, by the way. With regards to my name and all that. Not everyone is.

Why Callie said that, or why they winked to no-one in particular in the next moment will probably remain a mystery for all of time, but they turned back to their writing without a second glance at people who weren’t even there in the first place.

Their pesterMessage app pinged another notification and Callie looked down to see that Roxy was trying to contact them.

They did feel a bit bad for not explaining what was going on with June, but Callie figured it wasn’t their place to divulge such a deeply personal piece of information without June’s explicit consent. It would all be settled soon enough, they figured. Satisfied by this conclusion, they returned to their writing and began typing away quickly, their delicate, precise fingers dancing along the keyboard and a small smile playing across their face.


	10. (Kanaya Maryam) An Auspicious Beginning

“He’s being a butt!” Roxy said, tossing her phone down and slamming the glass down on the counter as if she’d just finished pulling on a shot of the strongest alcohol the barkeep could provide.

Of course, it was Rose and Kanaya’s counter, not a bar. And the glass had contained nothing more than a Carapacian knockoff of Dr. Pepper that Roxy seemed to particularly enjoy – Rose made sure to stock it for Roxy even though neither Rose nor Kanaya could stand the stuff.

Kanaya looked closely at Roxy’s face. “Are you certain that you are going to be okay with this? You seem extremely upset that John was not communicating with you.”

“I just… I just want him to fucking  _ trust me _ , you know? Like, I’m not asking him to always be up my goddamn ass or always spouting out every little thought he has. I just…” she sniffled, and it looked to Kanaya like she was about to start crying. She moved quickly to the small tissue dispenser on the counter and took out a pair of tissues to hand to Roxy.

“I just want to feel like I’m his  _ partner  _ and not just some random woman who’s kind of hanging around for no reason. I  _ want _ to support him. I know he cares about me but… he’s always so  _ withdrawn _ all the time. Like he’s got this shell he crawls into and nothing will convince him to come out.” She paused and mopped the tissue at her newly-watering eyes.

Kanaya took the tissue and went to throw it out. On the way to the trash, she caught sight of Rose, who was hovering in the corner of the kitchen. She appeared to be looking down intently at her phone. Her eyes were wide and her mouth was agape. She typed something frantically and while she was waiting for a response, Kanaya could hear her muttering under her breath.

“What in the entire fuck…”

Roxy was still crying, and Kanaya decided it would be prudent to simply pass her the entire box of tissues. Roxy was breathing heavily, trying not to devolve into full-on sobs at this point.

“Might I suggest that perhaps John is… working through some residual effects of the horrors that we all had to endure? We do not all process pain in the same ways, and sometimes it manifests itself in other ways.”

Kanaya felt a gentle hand on her arm and turned to see Rose looking at her with raised eyebrows. She tugged on Kanaya’s arm in a way that said  _ we need to talk right now _ and Kanaya put up a hand to excuse herself.

“I am sorry, Roxy – I will return shortly and we can continue this conversation, if you would like.”

Roxy nodded, trying her best to smile.

Rose pulled Kanaya all the way into the study that was off the main hall, away from the kitchen.

“Okay…” Rose said, taking a deep breath. “Okay holy shit.”

Kanaya looked at her wife. “You are considerably less articulate than usual at this present moment, darling. Is everything okay? Are you perhaps feeling ill?”

Rose laughed, and Kanaya saw a genuine smile run across her lips. “Oh… no. I’m actually… actually feeling like some stuff is making more sense to me.”

“Okay, darling – I am happy that you feel that something is making more sense to  _ you _ but I am feeling quite confused by this line of conversation. I feel as if there is a missing part of it that I have not been made aware of.”

“Yeah, sorry,” Rose pulled out her phone, unlocked it, and handed it to Kanya. A pesterMessage window was already open. “Read!”

Kanaya looked at the phone, and her eyes widened.

“Why does it say… oh…  _ oh… _ ”

Kanaya handed the phone back to Rose and saw that her wife was grinning from ear-to-ear.

“So I take it that this was what was likely weighing on hi–her mind for a while now?”

Rose nodded, still grinning.

“I am to assume that she has not told Roxy yet?”

Rose shook her head and the grin faded. “I don’t think so, but I think that’s coming soon. Somehow… I have a feeling she’s not gonna want to do this over the phone.”

Together, they walked back into the kitchen where Roxy was sitting. Roxy had a confused look on her face.

“Hey, so… John just kinda texted me out of nowhere and said I really have to come to the house and see him. I don’t know what this is about, but…”

“Go talk to… your partner…” Kanaya said, trying her hardest to be judicious. “I believe it would be for the best.”

“Okay… sure.” Roxy stood up, finished the last of her foul-tasting soda, and headed towards the door. Before she left, she turned back.

“Thanks for listening, Kanaya. Rose, thanks for having me over. I’ll see y’all around!”

As soon as the door closed behind her and Kanaya was sure that Roxy was no longer within hearing range, she turned to Rose and smiled.

“I do believe that I am going to make June a dress.”

And without further words, softly humming to herself, Kanaya walked to her sewing room.


	11. (Roxy LaLonde) Okay, So This is New…

I still think he’s being a butt…

But at least he wanted to talk. That was a big step up from before.

I’m still mad at him. He could’ve talked to me at any time! He could’ve done this before I had to fucking walk out on him!

Is that what it was? Was she leaving him?

No, I don’t want to leave him. I love him and he’s… he can be such a good guy. Just so… distant lately.

Roxy landed near their house and took out her phone, staring at the cryptic message again.

It was fucking  _ frustrating _ is what it was. First he was being all reclusive and quiet all the time, then he kinda freaked out…

Well, I guess I kinda freaked out too.

But it didn’t seem unreasonable what she was asking him for. And now he was texting her with this vague nonsense all of a sudden and…

ARGH!

Roxy just wanted things to be  _ simple _ . Just let her do her work for the Carapacians and come home to her chill boyfriend and cuddle on the couch. She could play games with him, or they could talk about dumb shit.

Or, y’know… fuck and stuff.

Roxy smiled to herself. Yeah, that was also fun. She got to the door of the house and stopped to collect herself.

It’s gonna be cool. We’re gonna have a nice talk and then we’ll see how I’m feeling. And maybe we’ll be good and maybe we won’t but it’ll at least be done with.

Roxy opened the door, but she didn’t see John.

“I’m in here,” she could hear him calling from the bedroom. Fine. Whatever. She walked to the bedroom and turned the corner to see…

John was…

Wearing one of her t-shirts… and her shorts…

...and…

Roxy had always been extremely smart and extremely quick on the uptake. Growing up in the world that Her Imperious Fucking Fishface ruled meant she basically had to be super perceptive all the time.

So she felt like she immediately understood and felt a little bit stupid for not having picked up on it somehow. In all honesty, it was an educated guess – but a highly accurate one.

“Holy shit, you’re trans and I didn’t even realize.” She put her hands to her mouth and she was fighting to suppress a smile and laughter and crying that were all trying to come out all at once.

Breathe, Roxy. Fucking breathe, binch!

Deep breath. Hold. Let it out.

“I… uh… I’m sorry for… I didn’t realize until… it’s a long story…” The woman standing in Roxy’s bedroom was talking. And…  _ she _ was blushing. And looked like a completely different person than she had that morning. Even with the same short hair.

She looks like herself.

Roxy choked down the lump in her throat at that thought and took two steps across the room to her… her girlfriend, apparently. And Roxy wrapped her arms around her girlfriend’s waist, and pulled her into a hug. Roxy ran her hands up her girlfriend’s back and rested her head against her chest.

“What’s your name?” Roxy asked, quietly.

She felt her girlfriend’s breath brush against her ear as she responded. “June.”

“I… like that. It’s you…” She pressed her ear to June’s chest and could hear her heartbeat racing. She had been so nervous.

“June… you…” Roxy paused. She wasn’t sure what she wanted to say next. This had been so unlike everything she’d been prepared for.

But June felt  _ different. _ Nervous and scared but also… the strange oppressive air from that morning seemed to have lifted. No, it hadn’t just been from that morning. It had been from the past few months. Ever since they finished the game, really. But this… it was almost like she was a different person entirely.

“I know this is a lot,” June was saying. “And I understand if you don’t wanna deal with it right now. I completely understand. I just… I know I’ve been really shutting down on you and I had a lot of stuff I was thinking about and not letting myself think about… if that makes sense. I just couldn’t hide this from you once I figured it out.”

Roxy felt the tears welling up and wetting June’s shirt. She gasped.

“Oh shit! Roxy, I didn’t mean to make you cry! I’m so sorry – what can I–”

“Shhh,” Roxy said, nuzzling closer to June. Breathing in and smelling… June had used her soap too. “You didn’t  _ make _ me cry. I’m just crying…”

They stood like that for a minute before June spoke again.

“Uh… does this mean you’re not gonna…  _ like _ me anymore?”

Roxy laughed. “I like girls too, you know.”

“Oh.” Roxy could  _ feel _ the heat coming off of June’s face. Roxy felt her girlfriend pressing up against her, wrapping her arms around her body. Holding her close.

“Roxy… I love you. I… I should’ve been talking to you before and I didn’t. I think I was afraid of having that conversation with myself, let alone other people. I think there was a lot of stuff I was afraid to think about.”

She took a deep breath and Roxy felt her chest moving and her heart beating.

“It was so easy to push that all down when we were struggling just to survive. Like we always had something to work towards and we were always just trying not to die…”

Roxy let herself settle on June’s chest as it rose and fell with her breathing. It felt good. It felt right.

“So when we got here I just… I kind of lost it. I had all these things I ignored and I always figured… well… I had to be manly and tough because otherwise I’d be letting my dad down. I’d be letting everyone down.”

June’s breath hitched and she let out a little sob. Just a small one, but Roxy gave her an  _ it’s all right  _ squeeze anyway.

“I don’t think you’re letting anyone down,” Roxy said quietly. “I think your dad would be proud to call you his daughter. Did he ever seem like he’d rather you live a lie than be yourself?”

June shook her head and Roxy closed her eyes and leaned into the smell of her girlfriend. It was amazing how quickly the idea had taken.  _ June _ felt… right.  _ June _ made sense.

“I love you, June,” she said quietly. And she felt her girlfriend’s heart rate skyrocket again.


	12. (June Egbert) Am I Loved?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter focuses on consensual foreplay and has some mildly NSFW content. There's nothing explicit and everything is implied, but readers uncomfortable with depictions of sexual activity may want to skip it.

Roxy was so close to her – in a way that June didn’t think she’d experienced in a long time. It wasn’t just the physical distance – there’d been plenty of times in the last few months when they’d been physically close – physically intimate.

No, it felt like there was something between them that had been moved aside.

Yeah, weird how pretending to be someone else has that effect.

“Hey, Roxy?” It felt good to have Roxy pressed against her like this. “Uh… why are you so cool with this?”

“What do you mean?” She responded without even looking up from where she had her head rested against June’s chest. “Should I not be?”

“It’s just… I dunno… we kinda got into a fight and then you come home and your boyfriend is your girlfriend and you seem… weirdly okay with all that.”

She felt Roxy shrug.

“June… I have seen some absolutely crazy shit in my life. I grew up hiding from drones that were trying to exterminate me. All the time loops and god powers and all kinds of crazy shit. You realizing you’re a woman is… like that’s the  _ least _ weird thing I’ve experienced in my life. Have some perspective, jeez.” She laughed – she didn’t sound annoyed or anything.

“But our fight…”

Roxy sighed. “I wanted you to open up just a little bit. Even if it was just to say  _ hey I can’t talk about this right now but I will when I’m ready _ … but it seems like maybe that wasn’t about what I thought it was.”

Yeah… that was kind of surprising to me too.

“And you’re… really okay with all this. I mean like, as far as me and you go?”

Roxy made a loud  _ hmmm _ noise. She shifted her hips…

...and June found herself tumbling backwards onto the bed that they’d been standing next to. She fell back and landed softly with Roxy straddling her knees. Roxy was grinning, her arms outstretched.

“Okay, let’s see now… June… let me know if I’m doing anything to make you feel uncomfortable and we’ll stop right away.”

June was blushing.

Is this actually happening?

“Uh, Roxy, it’s not like we’ve never…”

Roxy laughed. “Okay, but technically  _ June _ and I have never done this. So I’m feeling things out.”

She leaned forward, propping herself up by her elbows a few inches from June’s face.

“If you don’t mind me asking… are you… okay with your body right now?”

June blushed deeper. “Uh… not sure what you mean.”

“I mean, is there anything you don’t want me to call attention to. Anything you’d rather I not look at or touch right now? Feeling weird about anything?”

The man in the mirror…

“Kinda… sorta… it’s hard to explain…”

“Try me,” Roxy said, smiling.

“Well… right before it kinda clicked I was looking in the mirror and it kinda felt like it was someone  _ else _ looking at me. Like it wasn’t me. So… that’s part of why I put on your clothes. Because John’s clothes didn’t feel like they fit me anymore.”

He could feel Roxy’s eyes on him. She licked her lips. “You actually look pretty fucking good in my clothes. Although we will have to get you some of your own.”

June kept blushing – she was just going to be permanently beet red from now on.

“Oh wow… holy shit… uh… thank you…” She knew that she sounded flustered, but Roxy didn’t laugh at her, so that was good.

“But, so…” June tried to pick up where she left off – why was it so hard to  _ think _ right now? “After I changed clothes and I talked to Rose and Kanaya and Callie and they were all super cool about this. And I went back to the mirror and…”

June took a deep breath. “I saw  _ myself _ in the mirror. Saw  _ June _ looking back at me. And it’s not like I’m super hairy or anything, so that helped me feel… I dunno… womanly?”

“I mean,” Roxy said. “Womanly is whatever you want it to be. You want to be hairy, go for it. You’re still a woman, regardless.”

“I know… but I like the way I’m looking right now.” She couldn’t quite believe she said that out loud. “I’d like to make a couple changes… uh… I’d like to grow my hair out, mainly.”

“So are you  _ comfortable _ with your body?”

June swallowed – she could still feel the heat of the flush in her face. “I guess I kinda am, yeah.”

“Are you comfortable with being touched?”

Oh my god!

“I…” June stammered. Roxy smiled at her, kindly.

“I’m not going to do it if you don’t want me to. But… if you’re okay, I sure would like to!” She winked.

“I… I think I’m okay with that.”

“Okay,” Roxy said, leaning closer and kissing June softly on the lips. “You taste nice. You’re borrowing my lip gloss too… I don’t mind, but please ask next time.”

June gasped away from the kiss and Roxy pulled back a little.

“Is that okay? Are you okay?”

“It’s fine,” June nodded. “I’m just… I don’t know why, but it feels kinda different right now.”

“It’s okay,” Roxy said. “We’ll go slowly.”

She leaned in again and, once again, their lips met. June closed her eyes and concentrated on the feeling of Roxy’s lips against hers. She felt Roxy’s tongue dart out and lick her top lip gently.

“Mmmm,” Roxy said. “Okay… that’s nice…”

June’s eyes were still closed when she felt Roxy shift slightly – her lips kissed June’s neck and June felt herself letting out a little  _ squeak _ . Roxy giggled.

“Oh really? That’s new and different. Is it okay?”

June nodded and  _ moaned _ .

Oh geez what is happening.

It felt…  _ different _ and that didn’t make any sense. Because, physically, she wasn’t a different person. She still had the same bits and pieces. She was just… not living a lie anymore. Actually felt like herself. Actually felt…  _ free _ .

Roxy kissed her neck again, slower, and she felt something else happening. Something… a bit further south of where she expected.

“Oh shit I’m sorry,” she said. “I… uh… I’m sorry!”

It felt weird to be embarrassed about, considering they’d had actual sex before, but she felt… weird about it now.

But Roxy kissed her again, and let her hands drift down a bit, towards June’s chest.

“It’s okay,” Roxy said softly. “I didn’t think that your parts just magically changed. Shit, June, girls can have dicks too, you know – nothing wrong with that!”

June felt her face explode in a fireball of a blush that she desperately hoped Roxy didn’t see. But of  _ course _ she saw, because she was  _ right there _ by June’s face. But she didn’t laugh. She didn’t make a joke.

Instead, she bent in and kissed June’s collar-bone – the shirt she had borrowed from Roxy left a lot of her neck exposed.

“Is it okay if I touch you, June? Under your shirt?”

“Uh-huh…”

And Roxy reached up under her shirt and ran her delicately soft fingers along her stomach, up to her chest. It was a pleasant sensation – Roxy was careful not to tickle her. She cupped June’s breast, such as it was, and squeezed lightly.

“Still okay?” She asked. June managed to whimper out an assent and Roxy kept running her hand along June’s chest and stomach.

She kissed June’s neck again, but this time held it for longer, sucking in slightly and when she pulled back, June’s neck still tingled. She whimpered again – this was a lot more than she’d expected going in. Not unpleasant, but she felt like her mind was going to blank out.

“Okay,” Roxy said. “I’m liking June so far… definitely my kind of girl.”

June felt herself almost melting at that comment. She’d desperately hoped for at least  _ acceptance _ – she hadn’t been expecting this level of  _ enthusiasm _ .

“One last question for now, though… just kind of a preliminary thing, June.”

Roxy stopped kissing her neck and leaned forward, placing her lips directly next to June’s ear. She whispered, softly.

“Would you mind if…”

Yeah, okay… that could work…   
  
June threw back her head, closed her eyes tightly, and moaned… and her mind was basically gone at that point.


	13. (Jade Harley) Concern is My Best Quality

It didn’t feel right leaving John alone like that. He’d seemed so out-of-sorts, and the whole “waste time on the Internet” plan had ended pretty much in unmitigated disaster in every possible sense of the word.

Just gonna walk back in all casual and be a good big sister about this. Ask if he wants to talk. Ask him about his feelings. Not try to distract him unless he wants you to.

Jade teleported back outside John’s house with an audible  _ pop _ of displacing air molecules. He hearing, sharper than most humans, picked up on some kind of scrambling inside the house. Maybe John was cleaning up. Or making more Hot Pockets. Both ends of the spectrum seemed like they might be equally plausible.

Oh who am I kidding – he’s making more damn Hot Pockets.

Jade groaned and knocked once on the door. When John didn’t answer, she opened the door slowly and called inside.

“John? It’s Jade! Sorry, but the door was open. I’m gonna come in if you want to talk. Just let me know if you’re not decent!”

“Jade? Uh… maybe not the best time…”

John, in the bedroom. Probably crying his eyes out at this point – poor man. But… he sounded…  _ different _ somehow. Jade sniffed the air. Keen canine snout… she smelled something odd about this. Roxy’s soap? Which didn’t seem surprising, given that she lived here. But something was… off.

Jade walked toward the bedroom and could’ve sworn she heard someone  _ giggling… _ and a muttered “oh shit shit” and more of that scrambling.

“Okay, John, you better be dressed because I don’t want to see my broth–”

I have apparently completely lost my mind.

John and Roxy were sitting in bed, together, both blushing furiously and also grinning in a way that suggested more than a small degree of embarrassment. Also John was apparently wearing one of Roxy’s shirts and had lip gloss on… well… mostly on. A lot of it had been smeared off. At least they'd had time to throw a sheet on. That was something.

Okay I guess they made up. I’m not asking any follow-up questions.

“Uh… Jade…” That was John’s voice – it sounded quiet and far away.

“Don’t worry, I’m intruding, I’ll leave,” Jade responded quickly and turned to go… basically anywhere her brother hadn’t just finished… whatever he’d been up to.

“Wait,” his voice was so small. “I need to tell you something first.”

Jade turned, averting her eyes to the floor. “Okay, John, go ahead.”

He cleared his throat.

“It’s… I’m… I’m not John, I’m June. I’m a woman, Jade. I’m sorry I didn’t say anything sooner… kinda… just figuring this out in the last couple hours.”

Okay, okay, okay… lot of new information… John… June was trans. Interesting data point. File that one away. She she she… remember that.

“Do you mind… getting dressed before we talk?” Jade asked.

“Oh, shit, yeah!” June responded. “Please… give us a minute.”

Jade walked out of the room, shutting the door behind her and leaning against a nearby wall.

I’ve… got a sister?

She smiled to herself. Okay, this was weird. This was going to take some getting used to.

* * *

After maybe five minutes, Jade heard the door open and looked up to see Roxy and Jo– _ June _ standing there, holding hands. June looked… nervous. She was wearing Roxy’s shorts as well and… honestly… they kinda worked for her. Jade smiled – all teeth and cheer.

“So… maybe… talk in the living room?”

Roxy and June looked at each other, shrugged, and all three of them walked into the living room. June and Roxy piled onto the couch, June’s legs up over Roxy’s and her arms around Roxy’s waist. Jade sat on the small armchair in the corner and looked over at the two women, propping her elbows on her knees and resting her face on them.

“June… uh… when did this happen?”

“Rude!” Roxy snapped. “You don’t just  _ ask _ that!”

June shook her head. “No… it’s okay. I know you don’t mean anything bad by it. I guess… I mean it was always who I was. I just didn’t realize. Not until today. I think…”

June stopped talking and her brows furrowed. “I think a lot of it went back a really long time, but I was so convinced that I just  _ had _ to be what everyone said I was. But then I realized… everyone who would say that is gone and it doesn’t fucking matter. So why not be myself and stop feeling like a prisoner?”

And that… made a lot of sense. Jade looked at her… sister and smiled. June was different than John. It was strange – it wasn’t just clothing. It was something about how she moved and acted. John had always felt kind of restrained, like he was trying to be something he was  _ supposed _ to be rather than something he actually  _ was _ .

But June felt like she was just  _ living _ .

“I know I’ve got a long way to go and a lot of stuff to figure out, but I feel like I’m at the start of a journey rather than stuck in the middle of limbo.” She shrugged and leaned her head against Roxy, who looked extremely happy to be where she was right now.

“Well… I’m not sure how I can help, but I’m happy to – however I can!” Jade said. It was definitely going to take some getting used to but… she did always want a sister.

Her hair!

“Oh shit!” Jade exclaimed, clapping her hands to her mouth. “There  _ is _ a way I can help! I mean, maybe not a lot but… June, do you want your hair to be longer?”

June stared at her. “I mean… yes, but…”

And it was like the little cogs in her brain clicked around once and… “Oh shit you’re a  _ space _ player!”

Jade grinned. “Yep!”

“Okay, okay,” June extricated herself from Roxy’s lap and walked over to stand across from Jade. “All right! Let’s do this!”

“How long do you want it?”

“Oh… uh… I hadn’t thought about it. Maybe… ah… about here!” June put a hand around mid-chest.

Nodding, Jade concentrated, focused in on what she wanted to do… and the hair stretched out as keratin cells rearranged themselves and build up faster and faster. When she was done, Jade sat back.

June was running her hands along her new hair and her face was beaming.

“Roxy! Look at me!” She laughed and twirled in place, the hair flowing around her face.

“Of course,” Jade said, “you’ll have to style it and all that. Also, you may want to eat something. I had to kick up the biological processes in certain parts of your body and I’m not very precise at that so you may feel a bit drained.”

June didn’t seem to mind at all – she had already run back over to Roxy and was giggling as Roxy ran her hands through the new hair, smiling at her.

Okay, this isn’t how I expected today would go, but I’m… I’m okay with it.

June turned back to Jade – her eyes were watering. “Jade… I… don’t know how to thank you.”

“It’s just a little space-witch magic,” Jade winked at her.

“No… not that… I mean…” June stammered a little and started crying. “You’re not being mean about this… and… you made me take that stupid Karkat quiz.”

Karkat quiz? Oh, the game thing! Wait… what?

“I mean, of course I’m not going to be mean about it! You’re my sister and I love you! I was wrong about who you were before – that’s fine. People are wrong about stuff all the time!” She smiled at June. “What about the Karkat quiz now?”

June was laughing. “It’s stupid but… I was thinking about that quiz right before it all hit me. Because it gave me a woman character and… I dunno… it was just like that one thing pushed my brain over the edge and I couldn’t stop thinking about what it meant.”

Now Jade was laughing – she was laughing so hard she doubled over. “Oh my God that is the most  _ June _ way to come out ever!”

She looked up and June was grinning at her. “I know, right? I’m gonna tell Karkat! He’s gonna lose his shit!”


	14. (Karkat Vantas) YOU’RE SUCH A DORK BUT ALSO VALID, JUNE EGBERT!

Karkat wasn’t exactly on what anyone would call a “regular” sleep schedule. Lately he’d been getting up in the afternoon and going to bed shortly after dawn. The entire time he was using to work on his websites, which would soon form the core of the Karkalicious brand on Carapacia’s budding Internet.

The name was Dave’s stupid idea, but Karkat had leaned into it and then it had just kind of stuck. Once the Carapacians figured out domain registration, Karkalicious.com was going to go live.

Karkat was up, finally, and he had his extra-strong coffee and his extra-fluffy blanket. He was settled in front of the computer, wrapped up and tapping away in pesterWord. Whoever back on Earth had decided to keep expanding the pesterChum brand like that had been a sad, lonely individual for certain.

YES THAT IS DEFINITELY COMING ALONG NICELY! I’M A GODDAMN WRITING GENIUS IS WHAT I AM!

Karkat grinned to himself and took a sip of the coffee – well, “coffee” was being generous since it was probably about half cream and sugar at this point. But technically a coffee-based beverage.

Time to write more intensely insightful criticism about the budding Carapacian cinema! Of course it looked like it’d be a good few years before any of it even existed… but that’s what getting in on the ground floor was all about.

_ Ping. _

GOD FUCKING PESTERMESSAGE ALERT SOUND CHRIST!

Karkat clicked on the waiting message, mostly just to shut it up. Oh great. John was messaging him. Yay.

OKAY JUNE EGBERT IS LEAVING ME ALONE NOW SO I CAN GET BACK TO THIS AMAZING WRITING I HAVE TO DO!

_ Ping! _

OH GOD FUCKING DAMN IT!

Karkat stared at the screen, unable to process exactly what was happening. His brain turned and turned.

Karkat heard the sound of Dave’s footsteps as he hurried up the stairs from the studio to the room where Karkat did most of his web design work. Slightly out-of-breath, Dave walked up and gave Karkat a kiss on the forehead. The troll blushed and muttered something about loving Dave.

“Yo, what’s the haps, Karkat?”

“Uh… the haps… is this!” He turned his screen to show Dave, who took a few seconds to read the exchange.

“Huh.” He didn’t seem phased.

“Huh?”

“Yeah. Good for her. That’s cool.”

“What?! This is like the biggest fucking deal ever!”

“I mean, I guess. She’s just June, you know?”

“YOU’RE ACTING LIKE THIS IS SOMETHING YOU’VE KNOWN ALL AL–”

Karkat stopped in mid-sentence.

“Did you do the time-thing? Do you know what happens next? HOW AM I GONNA DIE, DAVE?!”

Dave laughed and patted his boyfriend on the head. “Sorry, dude, I was serious when I said I ain’t doing that shizz-nizz anymore.”

“Oh… okay…” Karkat felt his shoulders slump. “Then why are you so chill about this? Like, this is a big!”

“I know,” Dave gave him another kiss. “But she’s who she is. We were wrong about her before, now she let us know and we can either be cool or be jerks. Not a lot of other options, right?”

Karkat smiled. “You’re a big fucking softie about this, aren’t you? Like she’s practically a goddamn sister to you!”

Dave winked at him. “I won’t tell if you won’t!”


	15. (Rose LaLonde) Now That We’ve Had a Chance to Sit a While

Two days had passed since June had let everyone know she was, in fact, June. Two days and Kanaya had finished a dress in remarkable time and then refused to show anyone, including Rose, the finished product. Because, she explained, it would be bad luck for anyone to see it before June had a chance to try it on.

And that sounded like absolute horse shit to Rose, but she wasn’t going to question her wife’s judgement in this. So she smiled and waited patiently to see the reveal along with everyone else.

Rose had suggested that they host their friends in their house, since it was large and had a massive living room that had been set up specifically for entertaining guests, on the off chance that they ever had an occasion to do so. Since this seemed like a good occasion, Rose had taken to helping set the place up. Kanaya had offered to help decorate once she was done with the dress.

The end result was a massive great room decked out in colorful fabric draped from the ceilings and running down the walls. Rose had alchemized floating candles (which, she insisted, were  _ not _ inspired by any kind of boy wizard fiction at all) to decorate the room.

Food had been thoughtfully provided by Jane Crocker who had, after hearing of “the egg incident,” insisted that neither Rose nor Kanaya attempt anything involving anything more complicated than pouring milk into cereal for at least six months.

The day of the party was spent mostly with Rose bustling around and getting things ready. Jane arrived early to help with the food. June showed up early as well and Kanaya promptly disappeared into the sewing room with her to finish fitting.

Jade had told Rose about the hair, and it looked like June had styled it since then. It looked good – a little bit messy in a way that looked absolutely intentional. It suited her. She’d also obviously alchemized some clothes – or “bought” them from one of the new Carapacian human-style shopping centers… which amounted to the same thing, given where they even got most of the clothes from. So now June looked a little bit less Roxy (although the influence was still clearly there) and a little more  _ June _ . She had bought a canvas jacket that added a bit of  _ Vriska _ to the mix and Rose almost had to laugh at that.

Honestly it didn’t take very long to get everything ready. Advantages of god-tier powers and all that. Once Rose was done, she basically just sat down and chatted with Jane until folks started to show up.

Dave and Karkat were actually pretty early and immediately found a spot on one of the large couches. Jade came almost immediately after, grinning pretty much constantly. Jake had already sent his regrets that he couldn’t make it – some expedition he was on with the Sea Nation’s nascent Science Council in the far south. Callie, as they explained they wanted to be called from now on, arrived just after Jane. Roxy came in last and found her way to the food and grabbed herself some appetizers and sat down to talk to Jade.

So now that Rose had nothing but time, she found herself nervously checking her phone…

Ooooh! She’s being so frustrating right now!

Rose knew that this would be important to Terezi… and to June too! Still, she couldn’t  _ make _ the troll take a break from her never-ending Vriska search and come back for a visit. They’d gotten to the point where they were seeing Terezi maybe once every couple months at the most. Rose wasn’t going to say anything, but that seemed unhealthy.

* * *

About twenty minutes after everyone had gathered – sans Terezi – Kanaya poked a head out to announce that everything was ready. Rose gathered up the guests and told them all to close their eyes, then did the same.

And she waited.

“Okay,” she heard Kanaya’s breathy voice, “you may all open your eyes now!”

June was stunning.

The dress had been crafted of a blue silk that matched the color of her old god tier outfit, but with a kind of iridescence to it that caught the light. It dropped off one shoulder and cut down in a way that offset June’s skinny figure and helped bring out her curves. It flowed down toward the ground, slit in a way that reminded Rose of Kanaya’s own skirts – she knew from experience that it would let June walk more easily. She was wearing a pair of blue flats – heels might take some getting used to.

Okay holy shit June looks hot as fuck.

She could see the others nodding approvingly. Well, not entirely – Roxy actually whistled loudly and looked like she was about to jump up and tackle June. The rest of them nodded approvingly, clapped, and started to compliment June all at once.

June was blushing furiously and scuttled over to where Roxy was sitting and took a careful seat next to her. As the others crowded around, Kanaya walked up to Rose.

“Holy shit, you did a good job on that!” Rose exclaimed, grabbing her wife around the waist. The troll smiled and bent over to kiss Rose on the cheek.

“Thank you, darling. I do apologize for not showing you my progress but I wanted this to be a surprise.”

Rose shook her head. “No, it’s fine! I really appreciate you doing that for June. She looks… holy shit she looks amazing!”

“I agree on that front as well,” Kanaya said. “She is a highly attractive woman.”

Rose found herself distractedly looking down at her phone again. Kanaya sighed.

“If she does not wish to come to visit, I am sure she has her reasons.”

“I know,” Rose said. “I just really wanted her to be here for this. She and June were –  _ are _ – friends. It seems like something that would be important.”

“Her search for Vriska is important to her as well. I’m sure that this is a complicated emotional decision in many ways.”

“She could at least fucking answer her texts!”

Kanaya laughed. “Terezi Pyrope is sometimes a confusing entity, is she not?”


	16. (June Egbert) I Think I Need Some Air!

June wasn’t used to this kind of attention! It wasn’t  _ bad _ by any stretch of the imagination, but she felt so…  _ vulnerable! _ She was just out in the middle of everyone wearing a  _ dress _ and everyone was telling her how good she looked. She was trying very, very hard not to keep blushing so damn much. And Roxy was looking at her in a  _ way _ and she knew where  _ that _ was going to lead sooner or later.

But she felt happier than she thought she’d ever been. No one was being a jerk about any of this. Everyone was… accepting her for who she was. It was all new – and it was, honestly, kind of a lot to process. She was feeling more than a little bit overloaded.

So after everyone broke off to talk and eat and play a video game on Rose and Kanaya’s television, June slipped out onto the deck that overlooked the lake. The moon was out and it reflected off the surface of the water like a mirror. Beyond the moonlight, it was dark out here. The night was warm, and June could feel a slight breeze coming in from the trees. It smelled nice, and she felt happy.

She wasn’t alone. She could feel someone else out here with her. She turned right and saw… no one.

“June…” the voice to her left, a few feet away.

June turned and saw Terezi Pyrope standing there quietly, smiling. June wanted to yell out, but something made her think better of it. Instead, she walked over to Terezi and bent down to embrace her friend.

“Oh god I missed you,” June said. Terezi sniffled.

“I… missed you too, June.”

“Uh… you know what happened with me, obviously.”

“Yeah,” Terezi said. “Rose texted me. But… June…”

Terezi pulled away from her arms and walked over toward the railing overlooking the lake. Even though Terezi couldn’t see, exactly, June figured she enjoyed how all this felt. June stood next to her, leaning half-against the railing and half-against Terezi’s shoulder.

“What’s up, Rezi?”

“This is gonna sound maybe a little arrogant and silly but… I think I kinda knew already.”

“What?”

“I think maybe because I could never  _ see _ how you presented yourself, so I had to cue off a bunch of other things. Stuff that maybe you didn’t even realize you were doing…” She sighed and shrugged her shoulders.

“I mean, the way you carried yourself when you still thought you were a guy… it never felt exactly  _ right _ to me. Little hints of self-doubt in how you talked about yourself – bits and pieces that suggested that maybe something else was on your mind. How you dress and cut your hair and all that good stuff… none of that changes who you are inside. And I feel like I… maybe got a little bit of a sense of what was inside before you were necessarily willing to talk about it… or even think about it.”

She leaned heavily into June and elbowed her playfully in the ribs. “Besides… you’re still  _ you _ . You were  _ always _ June – you just didn’t realize it yet!” She laughed.

“I’m glad. It suits you really well. Bet you look fucking  _ hot _ , yeah?”

June blushed and mumbled something.

“What was that, June? I can’t quite hear you!”

Oh that’s such crap, she heard me just fine!

“I said – a few people have mentioned that, yes.” June looked down towards the lake.

“Feels good, doesn’t it?”

June didn’t answer right away. It  _ did _ feel good though. “Yeah… it actually does.”

Another pause. The night air was wonderful, and June was so happy to have her friend Terezi here. Even though she knew that she’d be gone again soon to go back and look for Vriska some more. June supposed she could understand – Terezi and Vriska had been so close.

“Hey, Terezi… why’d you come back for this? I thought you were out there pretty much searching for Vriska as much as you could.”

Terezi sighed, and June felt the weight of years in it. “Honestly? I’m not sure whether I’ll ever find her. And I realized that I’m out there chasing the memory or the ghost of someone who either can’t be or doesn’t want to be found… and back here my friends are missing me and wondering why the fuck I’m bothering.”

“You’re not going to just give up though, right?”

Terezi shrugged. “I don’t know. Paradox Space is a fucking mess. What’s left of it is pretty much a shit-show and no one knows anything about anything. And of course the goddamn black hole is basically consuming everything back there. If she went into that… I don’t know what could’ve happened to her.”

“Terezi… I’m sorry…” June reached out and put an arm around Terezi’s shoulder and drew her close. Terezi leaned her head against June and sighed again.

“I think… I think this round is gonna be my last for a while. I’m going to check on a couple leads I had and then… I think I’m going to try coming back here and living. Just living like a person for a while.”

“That’d be great! You should come over and see me and Roxy sometime! We’d love to have you!” June could hear the excitement in her voice.

“Thanks, June. You’re a hell of a girl.” Terezi reached up and kissed June on the cheek. “I’ll see you in a month or two. Sorry I can’t come in… I… I just don’t want the others to see me right now. You understand?”

June thought back to the way she’d been feeling just a few days ago – like the world was pushing down on her.

“Yeah, I do. But… Terezi, if it gets to be too much you can always text me. Or you can come back here. No judgement, no questions.”

Terezi had one of the saddest smiles June thought she’d ever seen. She was really trying… it just wasn’t quite working anymore. “Thanks, June. I’m glad you’re there for me.”

She squeezed June’s arm and started to walk back to the edge of the deck where she’d walked up.

“Oh hey,” Terezi said as she stopped and turned back. “The dress is amazing! It smells and feels… just perfect. It’s  _ you _ , June. Kanaya did a good job.”

And with that, she was gone into the night and June was alone on the balcony, feeling a little bit more melancholy than she had been before… but still smiling to herself.


	17. (Roxy LaLonde) Open Questions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a very small amount of very slightly NSFW consensual physical intimacy in this chapter. It is still appropriate for T-rated audiences, but if you're uncomfortable with that kind of thing you might want to skip it.

“So… makeup? How do you feel about that?” Roxy asked. She was sprawled across June on the bed and neither of them were wearing an especially large amount of clothing. June had alchemized some bras and panties and was wearing a pair right now.

“I like the lip gloss and stuff…” June hesitated. “Not sure I want to go all-out with it though. It feels like a lot of work.”

Roxy laughed, walking her fingers up June’s back. “Yeah, okay, I can get behind that. Perfume?”

“Sure!” June smiled at her.

“Hmmm… you’re already using my soap so that kinda answers that question already.”

“What about…” June started, then stopped and seemed to be thinking. “What about… you know… stuff to help with my boobs and everything!”

Roxy laughed, but quickly stopped. “I’m sorry, June – I’m not laughing at you. You just said it in a funny way. You mean, like, hormones and stuff?”

“Yeah!” June’s face brightened. “I’m sorry… I feel kinda weird still. Like… I don’t really have much going on in the chest department and my voice… I wish it were a little bit less… I dunno… I wish it sounded different.”

Roxy shifted her torso closer to June until she was basically lying underneath her. Roxy grinned. “Hun, you do whatever makes you comfortable! If you wanna do some hormones, we’ll talk to your sister, Professor Science, and I’m sure she can at least point us in the right direction.”

June laughed. “I wish going god tier had just kinda… done the stuff I want with my body… oh well.”

Roxy pulled June’s head down and kissed her on the lips. She really did taste good.

“Whatever you want.”

“I mean… I’m actually kinda happy with my body. I do wish I had boobs, but other than that. I’m… actually kinda all right with things… the way they are.”

Roxy winked. “That’s fine too. I… like your body too…”

She walked her fingers back down June’s back and ended right at the line of her panties. June let out one of the  _ squeak _ s that Roxy found so incredibly cute.

“Hey, Juuuune?” Roxy asked.

“Yeah?”

She laughed with a little  _ snerk _ noise. “Can I touch your butt?”

“Sure, go for it.”

Roxy reached a hand under June’s panties, feeling the smooth curve of her girlfriend’s ass. June actually had a really, really nice butt. Like, she’d spent so much time saying that kind of thing ironically that she’d forgotten just how good it felt. Roxy noticed that she was grinding her hips into June.

“Oh… uh… sorry…” she said, slowing down.

“It’s fine,” June said. “I don’t know how to explain this but… I feel more comfortable with all this now. I know it’s only been like a week, but I still feel like a million times better now that I realize I’m a girl, you know?”

“You do seem a lot more… open.” She pushed herself up and kissed June’s neck. Another  _ squeak _ and Roxy didn’t really feel like she’d ever get tired of that.

She’s really acting like a completely different person. But also… this feels more right than it ever did before.

“I’ve been kinda wondering,” June said. “Wondering what I’m going to do with myself. I felt like I was so  _ trapped _ before. Like everything was there to keep me from existing, you know?”

Roxy wasn’t sure she did, exactly – maybe not in the precise way that June meant – but she figured she got it well enough to warrant a nod.

“So I decided that I’m not gonna do that anymore!” She was grinning broadly. “Instead, I’m just going to live!”

“Beats the alternative!” Roxy said with a wink.

“Oh ha-ha, Professor Comedy! I mean…” she paused and a look crossed over her face – she looked like she’d just had a couple heavy thoughts at the same time. “I mean I’m not going to spend my days being a sad sack inside. I’m going to get out there and actually do something. Learn new things! Enjoy myself!”

That actually sounded like a fantastic idea.

“You know,” June continued, “I always felt like I was just kinda waiting for my purpose when I was a kid. Waiting for the thing that would come along and give my life some kind of meaning. And then the game happened and everything became about that – about trying to fulfill this cosmic destiny I had. To make sure everyone got through it okay. And now that’s done and… I guess I kinda felt like I was just lost.”

She bent down, laying on top of Roxy and pressing her face next to Roxy’s cheek.

“I felt like I didn’t have any purpose anymore. Like I’d been through all that suffering and pain and came out with nothing to show for it but a broken life. I never thought that… maybe I felt like that all along. Maybe the problem ran deeper than I realized.”

A completely different person. Because the person that everyone saw wasn’t really there at all. More like a mask.

“Now I feel like all of that’s been thrown aside and I can actually live my life again.”

Roxy could feel something wet on her cheek. She reached out and gently touched June’s face, wiping away the tears.

“Don’t cry, hun – it’s okay.”

“I know, Roxy,” she said softly. “I’m not sad. This is honestly the happiest I’ve ever been in my life.”

Roxy wrapped her long arms around her girlfriend, pulling her in close and savoring the pleasant warmth of the embrace.

Me too, I think.


	18. (June Egbert) Reflections on a Life Not Yet Lived

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the end of this part of the story, and the beginning of a whole lot more! Thank you all for reading - I really hope you've enjoyed it!
> 
> If you enjoy this work, please check out the rest of the Forever After series!

A week had passed since June and Roxy had the talk about hormones that had quickly diverted into… other subjects. As was becoming custom, June had gotten up before Roxy. From experience, she knew that Roxy would probably be asleep until later in the morning – and that was all right. June wasn’t planning to spend the day in bed anymore, and she’d catch up with Roxy later. First, there were some things she wanted to do.

She put on her deodorant and lip gloss and took a long look at the woman in the mirror. Took a long look at  _ herself _ . Sports bra and “Vengeful Bitch!” t-shirt and she looked pretty goddamn good.

I like this.

Because it felt good to be herself. To not feel like a stranger was haunting her in her own house… in her own mind. To not feel like she had to put on that costume every single morning. Because it didn’t feel like she was putting on a costume now, it felt like she just… getting ready to go out.

June padded quietly out of the bedroom and into the hallway to put on her sneakers.

* * *

Jade was already waiting for her at the base of the Carapacian Fun Steps – a series of utterly pointless marble stairs that just kind of led up into the air and then stopped without connecting to anything. Jade was wearing her own workout clothes – an old t-shirt with a drawing of an atom on it and a pair of baggy shorts. She was grinning and looked excited to start.

“You ready, sis?” Jade asked as June walked up. June nodded… and they started running. They took a route that ran down by the New Carapacian River and up into the wooded hills just outside of town. It was a pleasant path, and provided a nice change of scenery as they ran.

It had started the week before when June had called Jade out of the blue and asked if she wanted to start running in the morning. June knew that her sister had found the request unusual, but she’d been a good sport about it. And so every day for the past week they’d met, and they’d gone running.

They didn’t push themselves too hard, because this gave them a chance to talk. June realized that she hadn’t really spoken to her sister much. Not even when they were still back on Earth. Not on the ship. They’d had conversations about all kinds of random stuff, but they always seemed to be happening at arms-length. In the last week she felt like she’d gotten to know Jade better than in the last ten years.

“So, I think I’m gonna go with it,” June was saying. “The hormone thing.”

“All right,” Jade replied, keeping pace with her sister easily. “It’s an injection every couple weeks. You aren’t afraid of needles, are you?”

June shook her head, sweat flipping from her tied-back hair. “No, I’m good. And… thank you again for doing this.”

Jade waved a hand. “For my sister? Anything! I’m just glad I can help you out.”

They lapsed back into silence and ran for a while longer. Once they crossed the bridge over the river, they decided to stop for a while. Panting, they sat down on the grass by the riverbank. Out on the river, Carapacians were starting to float their small boats to enjoy the beautiful day on the water.

“Any more thoughts about what you want to do? Not gender-wise, but just… in general.” Jade was looking out at the boats, and with her hair tied back like hers June could see there was a lot of family resemblance.

“I’m not sure, honestly. I thought maybe I’d give some of Rose’s library a read.”

“Anything in particular?”

June nodded. “Yeah, actually… I was interested in learning more about how to help people heal from trauma. Like, therapy stuff.”

Jade smiled. “That seems… appropriate.”

“I know!” June closed her eyes, letting the warm morning sun wash over her. “We’ve all been through so much. I just want to help keep our friends all healthy. We’re going to be living for a  _ long _ time. Might as well try to enjoy it, right?”

I wouldn’t have said this a couple weeks ago. Wouldn’t have even thought it.

“I think… I think it’s a wonderful idea, June.”

Silence again – peaceful and pleasant. June soaked up the sun and smiled to herself. She could hear her sister’s breathing nearby, and the sound of the Carapacians calling to each other on their boats. In the background, the sounds of the city were coming to life as the Carapacians all went about their morning routines.

And inside of June Egbert there was a center of quiet. Because even though everything wasn’t  _ perfect _ , it was  _ good _ . And even though everything wasn’t the way it needed to be, it was going in the right direction.

And June had made the decision to live her life the way she’d never been able to in the past... and she was quite happy about that.

**Author's Note:**

> Dear Reader, I hope you enjoyed this fic! It has a lot of personal meaning, and a lot of my own experiences are contained within so it's very special to me.
> 
> If you want to read more, please read more of the Forever After AU - it goes into more detail about the experiences of the main cast after Act 7 and focuses on the same kind of themes as this story.
> 
> As always, thanks for reading! Please leave kudos and comments - I will respond to most comments!
> 
> Check me out on Twitter: twitter.com/AltUniverseWash  
> Tumblr: transkanayamaryam.tumblr.com
> 
> Author's Notes: I'm trans non-binary myself, leaning maybe a little bit toward the "femme" spot of things as far as internal headspace goes, so writing this coming-out story was one that I had a personal stake in. A lot of the experiences that June goes through in this are taken from my own experiences - not only in terms of coming out and dealing with gender issues, but also in my experiences with depression.
> 
> I wanted to write a story where the coming-out was met with acceptance. I know that's not always how it works in real life, but I tend to write Earth-C as being a world in which it is possible for things to be better, even if that requires some work and self-reflection. This basically serves as the beginning of that cycle - where June's coming out marks the beginning of that fundamental philosophy that is carried throughout the entire Forever After AU.
> 
> It's also probably worth pointing out that June's attitude towards life is my own - mine was born out of surviving a brutally abusive relationship, but the end result is the same. You can have fun and enjoy life and also be insightful and serious when needed. It's okay to decide to live for its own sake and do what you enjoy, even if it seems silly or unimportant to others. Ultimately, what matters is how you treat the people around you, and how you treat yourself. Because we all deserve to be able to find peace and be happy.
> 
> I'm glad to see people relating to this story and enjoying it - it is, perhaps, one of the most deeply personal things I've ever written, despite being a piece of fanfic.


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